Have you ever tried to forgive someone, but just can't seem to find it in your heart to no matter how hard you try to? If you were in a relationship with a narcissist, we all know how hard and darn near impossible that can seem.
As I was working through forgiveness with my coaching clients, I think I have stumbled on why we cannot forgive them. I think the root of it lays with not being able to forgive ourselves. What do I mean by that? In looking at my relationship with my ex-narcissist/abuser Michael, I think what had me stuck was not forgiving myself for even getting involved with him. How could I have not seen he was just using me as a meal ticket. Even as I write about it I can feel the anger start to well up. And there is the key......I have to forgive myself for being taken in by him.
I fight against being a victim in my life, so much so that I think I could not see that by forgiving myself for not acting for my best self, I actually was keeping myself stuck. You don't have to own being a victim, to not still trap yourself and become a victim of your own stubbornness.
So here goes. I forgive myself for not seeing Michael for who and what he truly was in my life. I forgive myself for not healing before I got into a relationship with anyone. I forgive myself for staying to long in really bad abusive relationships with anyone because I thought I had no value. I understand now, that the only way to true freedom from my past is to radically forgive myself. I did the best I could at the time with the knowledge I had. I know better now, so I will do better now.
When you find yourself unable to forgive someone, take some time to go within and see where you are not forgiving yourself for your part in it. Your part may only be not having the knowledge base to know what was happening, but you still have to forgive yourself for that. Repeat after me......I did the best I could at the time with the knowledge I had then. I know better now, so I am doing better now. I radically forgive me. I release myself from my own stubbornness to forgive myself. Why, because I know that is the true path to loving myself, and I am so worth it!
I’ve been abused in relationships I’ve had with multiple narcissists and I’ve never thought about the concept of forgiving myself. Even though I’ve managed to forgive most of them, I still live my life as a victim. I’ve struggled for so long trying to free myself from that mentality. Living with a victim mentality is a life of true suffering. Thank you for posting the idea of forgiving myself. I will begin that process now and hopefully it will help me move forward into a life of freedom that I long for.