It was July 3rd when my “narc” informed me that he was in another relationship, and had moved on. That was the day my heart exploded into a million pieces. I vacillated between being numb and crying hysterically. It was early evening when the shit his the fan, so after a few hours of gut wrenching tears, I took some Tylenol PM and drugged myself to sleep. I don’t even remember July 4th, other than to know I was at a friend’s BBQ, crying with a couple of my girlfriends that were also there. I was just trying to hang on till the next day, so I could see my healthcare provider and get some medication to be able to cope. I know you have to face your emotions and feel them, but when your world is reeling to this degree, medication might be something to consider. You know, better living through chemistry.
The next day I found myself sitting in her waiting room with my sunglasses on and crying. Luckily no one else was there at that moment. It was then I looked down at my feet and realized I had worn two different shoes to work. Good lord, I couldn’t even dress myself! (At least they were both black shoes :P )When she opened the door to greet me, she asked what was wrong. As I burst into tears even more, I said hysterically, I am wearing two different shoes!!!! Then I thought, OMG, I need to tell her why I am crying so hard, so she doesn’t think I lost my mind over shoes. LOL
I told her my story and medication was ordered. I hate that I had to do that, but I also knew I could not function the way I was, and need to start to process the event. Needless to say, that first week was all about just catching my breath, allowing myself to grieve, and trying to still function during the day.
I decided to let my boss and immediate co workers know what had happened, so they would understand why I would just burst into tears at my desk at any given moment. They were all very supportive. I am not saying you have to tell your story of woe to the entire office, but do share it with a few key people so they can help you. Let them help you – it’s a gift you give them.
So day one; week one; was just about holding it together long enough during the day to be able to collapse in bed at night. I also started to look at building a team of professionals that I could work with to help me through this – it takes a village to heal a heart.
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